I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
