her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
