Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
