I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
