Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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