Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need water and some morals
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
