there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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