She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
