Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
