all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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