Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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