Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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