If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
