I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're too hungover to prance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
