think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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