Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
