my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Vodka?
Forever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
