I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
