She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
