My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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