Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
