its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
