The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
