dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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