Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
