sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
