Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
