Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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