Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
