yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
