I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
