just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
