so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
