If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
