i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
