Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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