I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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