I just gift wrapped bread.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
