I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
