I got chris browned last night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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