i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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