I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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