I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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