WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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