why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
