I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
