woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
