she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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