yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
