so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So apparently I’m into choking now
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