Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
