well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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