we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
