Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
