I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
