fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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