i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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