I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
