watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
