$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
