dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
